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I was just putting the finishing touches on dinner when a ranger walked up and announced;"Is there a Doug Peterson here?"I answered that I was Doug, and the ranger asked to speak to me in private. I had a pretty good idea of what it was about."Mr. Peterson, are you aware that you've been listed as a missing person?" Well, no," I responded, "but I guess I'm not surprised."The ranger and I spoke for a bit about my situation, and he said he would call the detective that filed the report and explain. Still, as we parted, he said, "Doug, call your wife, and let her know you're okay." I told him I would, and went to grab my phone.I turned on my phone to find I had sixty-eight messages, then dialed my wife, Janet. You can be sure, after ascertaining my whereabouts, she wasn't happy with me. Amazingly, she didn't argue or try and emasculate me as usual, she just pleaded with me to come home. I simply told her I had to do this, or I would never be any good to her. She seemed to accept the. ’ ‘What?’ ‘I’m not pressing charges. Here’s the deal. You marry me, and I will not testify against you. You’ll get a wife to replace your old one. Well, I guess that’s stupid! She’s probably irreplacable to you.’ ‘Why do you want to marry me?’ ‘To really piss off my Dad. If I marry the man whose last wife he raped, I will be openly siding against him.’ ‘Will this be a real marriage, or a just a show, to get in your Dad’s face?’ ‘That will be up to you. I think that we might get to like each other rather well, and maybe love each other. This marriage will be the ideal revenge. Plus, I will get a green card.’ ‘I will have to resign from the bench after this, you know. It’s too big a scandal. You won’t be a judge’s wife.’ ‘That doesn’t matter. Look, I already respect you, for acting to punish a criminal when the law wouldn’t. You also showed remorse about how you carried out your revenge, in hurting an innocent third party. I will need to live under the same roof, preferably in the same.
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